A Review of A Minecraft Movie: Is it good or not?

This review will contain SPOILERS!


I guess I should mention this right now. I never expected this review to be... unhinged? This was originally meant to be a normal review, but I decided to goof around halfway through and this ended up as a result. I may go into long rants about certain things not even related to the movie. I'm sorry for making this


So for one of my cousin's birthday, I had the chance to watch A Minecraft Movie with him! We got our seat at the theaters and we watched the whole thing. And honestly, It's a bad movie that I absolutely LOVE! I think I was the loudest to react during the theater (but in all fairness, the theater was pretty empty). It was honestly such a blast to just see the goofiest moments that were memed and clipped on social media. And I will admit, I reacted a lot during the "Chicken Jockey" scene

So first of all. The movie starts with Jack Bl- uhh I mean "Steve™" dreaming of going to the mines as a child. But some old guy didn't want children working there, so Steve waited until he was old enough to finally enter in. He finds two artifacts and opens a portal to the Minecraft™ dimension. He builds a ton of structures and tames a wolf, before finding a ruined portal. He curiously repaired the portal. By using the Flint and Steel™, he entered into The Nether™. The piglins didn't want him in, so they trapped him in prison and stole his artifacts. But the dog was quick to take it and bring it to the real world where he hid it

Fast forward to today. A 90's gaming expert known as "The Garbage Man" tries to bid to get money to repay his debt or something. During this point, the youtubers scene showed up AND I AM SOO HAPPY TO SEE DANTDM, MUMBO, AND LDSHADOWLADY!!!!! OH MY GOSH I STILL FIXATE ON IT TO THIS DAY!! But anyways, the garbage man found the artifacts, but didn't think much of it and labels it as junk

Not much happens after this. So I will speed up this review so that we can finally get to the good parts. A young kid wants to become a rocket scientist, he builds a jetpack which fails and destroy some company mascot statue. The principal gets mad and kicks the young kid out. Then all the characters meet up and enter the minecraft dimension with the artifact thingy. And oh, did I mention the cast? we have:

Anyways. They enter inside the Minecraft™ world and get ambushed by mobs in what is the most goofiest and hilarious chase scene in the whole movie. Just the way that each character overreact at the smallest things. And the part where the garbage man was backed up against the castle was the stupidest part. What I have noticed is that the movie makes it look like that the creepers only explode if you attack them once? There was a scene where a creeper was nowhere near any players, yet still exploded because it got hit by an arrow? That is not how Minecraft works! >:(

Anyways. Steve saved them and does his iconic catchphrase: "I am Steve" And I felt my heart drop because I could not contain the awesomeness anymore

I don't exactly remember what happens next? I recall that the piglins had a ruler queen or something, and she ordered this big piglin brute guy called "General Chungus" to lead an army and kill the main characters. I get this has nothing to do with anything, but I LOATHE Piglin Brutes. I won't explain why cause the reason is soo petty. But all I can say is that I felt very happy that Chungus is the only piglin brute to be notable in the movie, and that there weren't any large, strong, and sexy brutes that couldn't possibly rape a cute lil' baker

Anyways. The cast proceed to a village where they meet.. TECHNOBLADE?? OH MY GOSHH!! I genuinely felt soo happy seeing the lil' guy in the movie! :D I absolutely loved watching his old videos. Certainly one of the rare Ws this movie has!

I also think Steve went to one of his redstone contraptions which cooked a chicken instantly? He even sang a song about it. But I genuinely forgot it even happened until Crashie mentioned it to me. Speaking of which, I showed this review to her just recently! And she likes it!

Steve teaches the garbage man and the science kid to craft using the Crafting Table™. The garbage man created some Iron bucket nunchucks, and the science kid made a Tator Tot gun. The women were out talking to the villagers about finding a way back home? It kinda sucks that their side-story is kinda lacking, and they are basically pushed aside for the other half of the crew. Would've loved to see them get familiar with the world. General Chungus shows up and beats up the main characters, before getting beat up by an Iron Golem™. The characters proceed to split up and Steve, Garbage Man, and Science Boy proceed with their Elytras™ I just want to mention that I saw a reddit thread which talked about this exact scene. I don't remember it exactly, but it talked about how Steve has access to the elytras despite the movie not mentioning Steve ever going to the end. I figured that since you can create pretty much anything in this movie, he could've made the Elytras™ using Phantom Membranes or something. Now that I think about it, I would absolutely love for a lot of these items to be modded into Minecraft! The idea of being able to craft the Tater Tot Launcher would be awesome!

Anyways. After a cool chase scene and a bit of 69'ing. The group landed on the ground by doing the Water Bucket Clutch™. They proceed down to the redstone mines where the group stumbles onto traps and finds a buncha diamonds. Garbage Man really wants those diamonds right now, but a huge scary piglin shows up and the group escapes via a minecart into the unknown. What I really like is how you could see the redstone torch next to the powered rails. Anyways, they stumble unto a mine full of creepers and their powered ran out. The Garbage Man pushes the minecraft and they hit a few creepers to destroy the mines as well as the huge piglin

Anyways. They reach to a Woodland Mansion™ so that they can find another artifact. Steve and the Garbage Man distract the pillagers whilst the science kid goes up to stealthily obtain the artifact. And also, can I just mention how hot the ingame pillagers are? I may or may not feel aroused whenever I have to fight against a raid. Oh and yeah, Steve and the Garbage Man get captured and put into a boxing ring where they have to fight against... THE CHICKEN JOCKEY!!!! OH MY GOSH I WAS WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT. I think my cousin cringed soo hard because of how I reacted, but DAMN IT I COULD NOT CONTROL MYSELF AT ALL!!! I also wanna mention that as soon as the chicken showed up, I knew it was time so I was hyping up my cousins for the moment!

Anyways they beat up the chicken jockey and obtain the artifact. But they meet with the EVIL PIGLIN QUEEN who STEALS THE ARTIFACT and orders her men to kill them. Steve and the science kid use a Slime Block™ to bounce onto a Hot Air Ghast™ (probably not their name). But the Garbage Man sacrificed himself to kill off the piglins. But like, why? I genuinely don't understand why he sacrificed himself when they could've just fled like they did before? The Slime Block was right there as an option, so I really didn't understand the point of that. But anyways, Steve and the science kid get knocked out unconscious and they wake up to see the ladies having created a mushroom house! I honestly wished the movie included a scene of them building the house, it would've made the movie even better. Anyways. Now that the piglin queen has the artifacts. She uses it to turn the Overworld into a dark grim environment similar to The Nether™. At this point, Steve says his iconic line "Let's Mine, Let's Craft. LET'S MINECRAFT". AND OH MY GOSH I CAN'T ANYMORE. IMAGINE IF THERE WAS A VIB-RIBBON MOVIE AND VIBRI CASUALLY SAYS "LET'S VIB, LET'S RIBBON. LET'S VIB-RIBBON". I ACTUALLY CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF ANYMORE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I HATE OR LOVE THIS SCENE

they proceed to build an army of Iron Golems, craft new weapons and armor, and do overall preparing for the final battle of the movie. And also Cheese and Rice, we are already nearing the end? How did that happen? Anyways, one of them creates the Hermes Boots from Terraria (don't ask why) and proceeds to give it to an Iron Golem. Which turns them into a SUPER OMEGA ULTRA STRONGER IRON GOLEM. Damn it I wish that was in the game!

Now we cut to the fight, The iron golems are at the battlefield, and the piglins are ready to attack. The Piglin Queen instructs the piglins to not shoot the iron golems because they only fight back when they are provoked (which isn't true since they attack hostile mobs on sight). One of the piglins accidentally provokes the big guy, and the battle commences. I don't actually remember what happens during the fight, but I recall the Iron Golems beating up the piglins real badly. I felt like half of the golems could've been made and they would've still won. There was also this sickass fight between the large iron golem and the large piglin. Which does kinda remind me of the Roblox Monke Game community in a way. I feel like there is a large gap between the discord community and the Roblox community. There has been lots of drama going on between both communities, and it makes me sad seeing such a large disconnect between them

And also somewhat barely related, why the hell are there people who despise furries + trans folks. Everytime I see something like this, it always makes me sad seeing a bunch of negativity being thrown around the internet. There are a bunch of talented people with both traits being wrongfully accused of a bunch of wrong stuff. I am pretty sure Aimkid has had this problem before on twitter, and it disappoints me as a person.

Anyways the boy tries to remove the artifacts but falls off and almost dies, before being saved by the Garbage Man who somehow did the Water Bucket clutch™? Oh fuck off, the last time we saw you, you were in a middle of an explosion. There is no way a single water bucket could save you. Anyways they retrieve back the artifact and the piglins rot to death. Except for the Piglin Queen who wants Steve to come closer, only to attempt to backstab him, but ultimately failing. This happens three times, and all times were hilarious

Anyways the crew go back to the real world and they do a dance party and such. Garbage Man is now popular again, and may or may not have a relationship with Steve. Science Kid is loved at school and finally got his dream of being recognized as a rocket scientist. The sister is teaching self defense from what she learned in the Minecraft world. And the black lady... I forgot what happened to her. But that's all cool now

And also unrelated. But I remember when I was heading to my school's hackathon, and one of my team members mentioned wanting to get a McDonalds Minecraft toy. Which reminds me that I should try and get one myself whenever I visit a McDonalds myself. I think they are in Happy Meals? I don't even remember when was the last time I ate a happy meal, was it when I was 7 years old? Damn I'm old.

Oh wait. How could I forget? There was a post credits scene where Steve returns to his old house, and he meets... ALEX?? ALEX??? I GENUINELY DIDN'T KNOW THIS SCENE EXISTED?? THAT'S ACTUALLY AWESOME!! THERE IS GOING TO BE A SEQUEL!!!!

And well.. that happened. Overall, the movie was pretty.. not good. But I genuinely enjoyed it a lot! In terms of a ranking, I will give it a 5/10 in terms of an actual score. And a 9/10 in terms of how much I enjoyed it. My favorite movie that I would not recommend to anyone!